Guess We Both Ain't Shit.

Preserving The Sanctity Of My Mind & Sanity of My Body In Pursuit of Quality Relationships

I’ve been petty lately. *cues laughing track*

It’s a tool that has helped me to regulate small disgusts and passive disrespects. Being petty or an asshole has psychological ramifications just like little white lies, I won’t deny that. This is not an argument about the morality or spirituality of it. I be dead ass wrong, in some folks eyes, for some of the petty behavior I exhibit. I think though, this is a post about how there are contexts where “pettiness” is the right course of action I think I can take when there is no “bigger” person to be or “high road”. In these situations there are the options to shrink and shrivel with my annoyance (that will soon become bitterness) or take up space with my soul that allows me to get it up off my chest. I just don’t believe in transcending my humanity to be in Om all the time.

Guess We Both Aint Shit

The Sanctity of My Mind

For me, it’s a call to action for respect, not grace, not endearment, not control. It’s me showing up authentically. “Respect my mind” as Juvenile would say (whom this publication is named for). I don’t like sugar coating my petty or dislike and I cannot operate through the rage of call-outs all the time¹. Sometimes more than one being or entity is pushing up against me at a time. So upfront and petty become a tool for the holy space of preserving a sound mind that is not embittered. Maybe I am full of myself? Or maybe I don’t know what I don’t know, so my humility is in responding with a warning shot. No one takes my respect, I freely give it to myself.

My purpose on this earth doesn’t include being liked by every person that becomes aware of my existence or being agreed with in every thing that I say/do. Fame also, is not on my to-do list. It ain’t my game to be unkind unwarranted. But baby, when the situation warrants a response—I’m finding a way, with a sound mind, to show up for myself.

It seems cool to be passive-aggressively kind but uncool to be directly petty— this I don’t understand. That passive aggressive kindness is what my folks would term ‘nice nasty’. You know, “They ooze sugar, spice, and everything nice, while keeping their fingers crossed behind their backs…In private, the laughing, smiling, and cordial sunshine and lollipops persona turns into guillotines and dungeons.”² I’m grateful for satire, facetiousness and sometimes dramatics but what I don’t appreciate is a facade and/or foolery that tries to condescend against my upfront “not nice, sometimes heavy humanity” in favor of “love, light and peace”.

The Sanity of My Body

The first track that I heard off of Megan Thee Stallion’s new album was “B.A.S” featuring Kyle Richh. The wholeness of the song rang through my body like a bell. It’s true. In the essence of what she raps—I will assert my ain’t shitness that meets the shitty behavior of others. “Fuck it, guess we both ain’t shit”.³ At the end of the day I know that I’m a solid person— I may not always be good, but I’m solid. I can be honest about when that behavior comes across as less than desirable.

Carmine talks about authenticity and integrity in her work⁴, especially when it comes to the way your body moves and embodiment as a dancer. I may not be a “good” dancer all the time, but I’m a solid mover and a solid dancer. I may not always be embodied in my movement but I’m solid. That solvency will move me closer towards embodiment through practicing not betraying myself at the expense of desirability or likability. At least, that’s what I’m subscribing to and its the hill I’ll rest on.

Talking with

Ajani Brannum

about their work⁵

“I also want performance to be a space where folks can remember their bodies, even if they're 'just' sitting and watching. Like, what is performance as a space for contemplation. And how can that work support the other kinds of work we say we're doing when we talk about decolonizing or unlearning other kinds of oppression.”

My online performance: the way I write my captions, the way I express my petty, the way I format my text is in direct conversation with my movement. Even that brings you closer to who the hell I actually am in the flesh. Not some commodified version of myself to package who I am or what I do or what I have to offer you. You now get to reject me or accept me based on the performance of myself—me being me⁶. At acceptance, the quality of the connection has potential. So if you ever meet me in real life or when situations arise in our life (yes Usher) you know how I’m coming. (Yes this is a petty dig at folks that be parroting others without citation or full contextual understanding of their work)

Tiara’s work and her commentary on betrayal in “Altar'ed State: Practice As A Mysterious Feedback Loop of Death & Life” is also a footnote here as well.

If one can’t admit to their ability to harm one another or to be in tune with another and still not like how the other behaves; how can one set boundaries that keep either away from injury (direct or otherwise). How can we not feel ashamed to block, unfollow or confront someone even if it is to find out that we were wrong⁷? How can one sift through the content and the creators and the thoughts and cultivate a responsive online ecosystem where they actually can get what they need?

“Because what this world ain’t about to do is make me resistant to my own medicine.”⁸

Cite & Source:

1. Many a conversation on Black rage and how growing older will cause you to not be so “ra-ra” with Mariah.

2. Kline, Sam. “When Women Have a Nice-Nasty Complex.” Race & Grace, 10 Nov. 2018, www.patheos.com/blogs/raceandgrace/2018/11/when-women-have-a-nice-nasty-complex.

3. Pete, Megan. “B.A.S feat Kyle Richh” MEGAN., Hot Girl Productions LLC, 2024, Track 6. Spotify.

4. Black, Carmine “Questions on - Decentering the Aesthetics of "Embodiment"Where do you find the humanity in your movement?” (Carmine Black (@Carmineblackdance). Instagram Photos and Videos. www.instagram.com/p/C9AWbmhxqZujytl7WGoW8-6mNbonG6-MHJ3GSg0.

5. Brannum, Ajani (@Aajjaannii) • Instagram Photos and Videos. www.instagram.com/p/C74pqcGSaE2.

6. I feel like I’ve said this in multiple conversations with Brittany, when we talk about “How to Make Friends & Have Influence (LOLOLOLOLOLOL, if you know this title reference you know why this is satire)”

7. Siphone, Githere Neema “Ik we bonded in that heart to heart we had six years ago but it’s a whole new decade now & I’m jus not really trying to see your posts anymore, respectfully” (“NEEMA🦚 (@take.back.theinternet) • Instagram Reel”) Instagram, www.instagram.com/p/C9DVyA5y02f.

8. Mai, Vu Maij. “‘A Safe Container to Be Free.’” By the Majestic Maij, themajesticmaij.substack.com/p/a-safe-container-to-be-free.