Video Caption
60 seconds on “ I’m deciding not to be on Instagram for the foreseeable future” as I practiced aerial inverts.
I Remember (Backstory)
“Knuck If You Buck” by Crime Mob & Lil Scrappy is quite literally gospel to me. I’ve had this up and down relationship with Instagram since I became self-employed in 2014. The number of accounts I’ve had is excessive. Around 2021, after all the racial shit and loss, I stopped posting to my personal Instagram. Why? My Tiktok was starting to go viral and all of my attention was there because I needed to make this money — self employed, hello! But I’ve found myself again back at “enough is enough” and it’s time to behave differently about it. Here comes the knuck… cause I’m bucked.
I woke up in the middle of the night, reading a post from Ney and it made me realize how out of network I feel on Instagram. I own that it is my choice to be out of network.
In 2021, I was hustling by creating videos for clients and also on TikTok showing my pole journey alongside my pole conditioning resistance bands. The bands are are a large investment (a cute coin) in 2018 to support my self-employment. That (over)stock was just sitting in the garage. “Well duh, sell em right? Right,” That’s exactly what I did. Fast forward to all of the pushback I experienced on TikTok from people reporting my videos, to the point my account was banned. I had reached a max of too many violations of “Adult nudity and sexual activity”. Blessed up, I was able to petition to get the account reinstated. Rather than lose what I had amassed again, I just stopped posting and was like “I’m taking my talents to IG”. Enter “[at] savage.seraphim” on the ‘gram. That page had a good run until I evolved. I wanted to be Ashley again— I felt like I could be. I had arrived at a place where I made the commitment to teach pole tricks and also the udda tricks were done with their treating (wink). That’s when I returned back to [at] performance.tempel and it’s been a challenge since. Finally yesterday after practicing, I said “Enough”. It’s time to release myself from this form.
I woke up in the middle of the night, reading a post from Ney and it made me realize how out of network I feel on Instagram. I own that it is my choice to be out of network. There’s some unspoken engagement rules that I refuse to play. I think for the longest I’ve tried to force the issue and be rebellious— thinking that my bravery on Instagram would galvanize others to also change the way they interacted with the app, then I wouldn’t feel so alone. Not so; or maybe I’ve only been able to connect with a few, who had already changed their social behaviors irrespective of my decisions. I recognize that it’s a privilege for me to detach because of the nominal 1,450+ followers, which tbh only 200 of them actually see my post. That is another concern for me, with Instagram, too. They already told me my posts will not be discoverable because of the adult content I post and I accept that because it can get suggestively drippy quick on my IG. But my intention right now is on discoverability. How can I be discovered in a place that’s already told me, that option is limited for me?
All that to say— so many signs prepared me for that moment last night. T’s conversation on Altar’ing, Carmine’s encouragement on reading possibilities and not reading probability, a call out about anxiety. Reminders of my configuration and having a wide-open sacral in conversation with Rachel, where I lament about often times not “feeling— felt sense” and then overpracticing. Glorilla hyping me up with “stop overthinking, these hoes can’t fuck with you” in her song ‘Yeah Glo!’.
When I am over—doing anything I am closer to not being myself. If I have to over—do anything that’s energy I am not built to have. I do the most, yes, don’t get me wrong; but when I am me— I do enough. I need to be focusing on doing enough, the most — not the lesser, not the extreme.
Enough is enough. It’s time to parachute out of the #PD Instagram network. I think I have come into a solid cypher of folks to lean on to trust when I’m needing the lifting of my head and outside perspective to know where and how to land if it all goes to shit.
This Substack is a spot. Thanks for meeting me out here.
Want to skip out on the writing and only get the audio/visual components of my artistry and practice? You can subscribe to YouTube, which I am reformatting just for that. If you just want to be visually moved, you can find me on Pinterest making boards for my artistic vision. Peace!
Cite & Source
Cardi B. “Cardi B - Enough (Miami) [Official Audio].” YouTube, 15 Mar. 2024, www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLG_DsCQMsc.
theofficialGloRilla. “GloRilla - Yeah Glo! (Official Lyric Video).” YouTube, 9 Feb. 2024, www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al2q6c-Zg6s.
S, Ashley, and Tiara Raven Marie. “Altar’ed State: Practice as a Mysterious Feedback Loop of Death and Life.” 400 Degreez Of Pole Dance, 16 Mar. 2024, 400degreezpole.substack.com/p/altared-state-practice-as-a-mysterious.
crimemob. “Crime Mob - Knuck if You Buck (Video).” YouTube, 27 Oct. 2009, www.youtube.com/watch?v=9saEpqhBP5M.
Practicing the Sacral Art of "Enough is Enough". + Aerial Inverts. (Bow, Bow, Bow)